Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Gotta Love This!

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

(1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ..


Mildred said...

This is adorable Peggy! I love it!

Barbara said...

ROTFMBO....Thanks for the laugh. I have to print this out and post on my fridge....very low on the fridge....LOL....Thanks Peggy.

JoyceAnn said...

Smiling ~ enjoyed reading this !!

~ Be Blessed ~

Tossing Pebbles in the Stream said...

I am usually long suffering and forgiving of friends, BUT make some critical remark about my animals and it is a deal breaker! This goes a long way to explaining my rather solitary existence.

Ms Martyr said...

Regarding #8 that they don't want to wear your clothes. Maybe not, but their shed hair goes everywhere with me so they might as well borrow my clothing.

Jerri said...

This is the sweetest thing I have read in a long time. Thanks for sharing.

Jerri and my 5 lovely canines thank you too.....Sonny, Tara, Cheeto, Abby and Max xxxx000000

amelia said...

I have seen this before and it never fails to make me laugh!! I'm sure all the pet owners among us read and nod their heads in agreement!!
I would really like to get this big enough to print seeing as I always say I will then forget. Any ideas how????

Kelly or Alex said...

Words of wisdom! I don't think any outfit is complete without cat hair. We love our animals. My mother is coming for a visit in May and I will start now de-furring our house.

Rachel said...

Haha!! Ain't it the truth!! Whoever wrote this knew what they were talking about! Gotta love our critters though!!

PEA said...

LOL I love it!! It's so true too, isn't it! hehe Thanks for making me laugh, sis:-) Love you. xoxo

notesfromthefrugaltrenches said...

Love it! lol

Flip Flop Floozie said...

I love this about cat and dogs because it is all so true!! Fun!! We have two cats now that are not getting along. The older one is not about to let this new person near her...Funny!!
So nice to see your new template..Gorgeous..You sound happy!!